The Smith Files: Christmas Countdown #2

Sunday, December 02, 2012

Christmas Countdown #2

Don your gay apparel! It's time for Breakfast with Santa. What are you going to ask him for this year?

This event has become a family tradition for us, but this time I kept it a secret until Sunday morning. The boys woke up to find this announcement in their Christmas Countdown mitten. Boy, were they excited! Yummy food, crafts, storytime, and of course, a visit with our FAVORITE Santa of them all. It was a great morning!

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Toddler Talk

June 2013

Callan: I like skunks. They stink. How do you wipe a skunk?

April 2013

(Leyton was watching the Angel Soft toilet paper commercial with the most amazed look on his face.)

Leyton: Those fat babies with wings make toilet paper? There must be two kinds of fat babies with wings--one kind brings you toilet paper and the other kind brings you Valentines!

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Leyton: Mom, I don't want to go to swimming lessons today.

Mommy: Why not? You love swimming lessons. Last week you were smiling the whole time.

Leyton: I wasn't smiling because I was having fun in the lesson. I was smiling at you because you are so beautiful!

(aaaand he stole my heart!)

May 2012

(Brody and I were having a "deep" discussion about marriage...)

Mommy: When you marry someone, you promise to stay with that person forever.

Brody: But then you can offmarry that person.

Mommy: What do you mean by that?

Brody: You retire from that person so you can marry someone else.

February 2012

(Leyton was playing "store" with Callan.)

Leyton: Callan, look at this hockey stick! You can buy it online. Mom, what's online?

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Brody: Mom, I don't want to drive Daddy to work. Why do we have to be in a hurry?

Mom: I know you would rather stay home, but we really need you to just go with the flow right now.

Brody: I don't like this flow!

January 2012

Leyton: Mommy, can I taste your drink?

Mommy: Ok, but you might not like it. It's Dr. Pepper.

Leyton: Does this drink have onions in it cause it's spicy!

November 2011

Brody: I can't wait to be in kindergarten, Mom, cause I'll get my own phone!

Mommy: Who told you that?

Brody: You did! You said when I'm a big kid I could get my own phone!

October 2011

Leyton: When I grow up, I want to be a diver and a mommy and a dinosaur and a golf ball and a teacher.

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Brody: Mom, when we're grown-ups, can we change our names?

Mommy: Sure, if you want to.

Brody: Ok, I'm going to change my name to Chris.

Leyton: I'm going to change my name to Shit. (I really don't think that's what he was trying to say, but it sure did sound like it! :)

September 2011

Mommy: You guys keep cleaning up this mess while I go upstairs for a minute. When you're finished, call me and I'll get out the play-doh for you.

Leyton: Call you? How can we call you without a phone?

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Brody: Leyton, when you feel a poot coming on, just poot it!

August 2011

Leyton: Sometimes I burp...in Spanish.

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Mommy: Look! There's a Daddy Longlegs in my bag!

Leyton: Can I keep it? I like Daddy Longhorns!

July 2011

Leyton: When I flex my muscles, I can't breeve!

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Mommy: What is that gross slime on this toy?

Leyton: It's probably dirt, or poop, or dead duck.

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Brody: Camouflage is the most important thing when hunting. Animals are scared of everything except their own kind.

(More factual than funny...I just love the way he said it so matter-of-fact!)

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Brody: I think when Leyton grows up his wife his going to have to let him borrow her skirts since he likes your skirts so much!

June 2011

Leyton: Mommy, look at all those mushrooms in the grass!

Mommy: There ARE a lot of mushrooms!

Leyton: It's a mushroom Easter!

April 2011

Leyton: Do I get to go to my lipstick class today?

Mommy: Your lipstick class? What is that?

Leyton: You know, my lip stick class.

Mommy: (to Brody) I have no idea what he's talking about.

Brody: You know, Mom, it's the class you go to when you miss your gymnastics class.

Mommy: Oh! He means his make up class!

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Brody: Mom said I could have Peeps for Easter if my ancestors give them to me.

Daddy: Your ancestors?

Mommy: Do you mean Oma?

Brody: Yes, you said I could have Peeps if Oma or my other ancestors give them to me.

February 2011

Brody: Mom, I got you some sour patch kids and a box of chocolates for Valentine's Day.

Mommy: Oh, that's so nice! But isn't it supposed to be a surprise?

Brody: Just pretend like you don't know.

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Brody: Leyton, I love you to the stars, the earth, Mercury, and Minnetonka!

January 2011

Brody: Mom, why have you never let me be in an act at church where I can dress up like a sheep or a God or someone?

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Leyton: I fweekin fotted! (freakin' farted)

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Mommy: Brody, don't crush the baby!

Brody: I'm trying to squeeze all the air out of him.

December 2010

(Looking at a picture of Brody's Christening...)

Leyton: Who's that?

Mommy: Baby Brody.

Leyton: Where's Leyton?

Mommy: Leyton wasn't born yet.

Leyton: I was lost?

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(We were discussing the birth of Baby Jesus...)

Brody: Why were animals there? They would just slobber Jesus!

November 2010

(Leyton was looking at a photo album...)

Leyton: There's Mommy. There's Daddy. There's Brody and Lijee.

Mommy: Is Leyton in the picture?

Leyton: No.

Mommy: Leyton wasn't born yet.

Leyton: He's in Texas.

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(This one is for all of you who know our neighbor Wendy, known by the kids as "Way Way.")

Leyton: My bunny has poop.

Mommy: He does? We'll have to change him. That's ok. Everybody poops. Dogs poop. Kitties poop. Bunnies poop.

Leyton: Way Way poops?

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(Brody found a nest on the ground...)

Brody: This nest fell out of the tree!

Mommy: Cool! It is either a bird's nest or a squirrel's nest. I'm not sure which.

Brody: It has fur in it, so I think it's a squirrel's nest. Unless there is a fur bird.

October 2010

Brody: How can God see us?

Mommy: God can see everything because he created us and he watches over us.

Brody: But how? Does he use a telescope?

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Brody: I think when I grow up I'm just gonna be myself. Can people be their self when they grow up?

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Mommy: Are you happy with your treats?

Brody: Yes, but I'm sad about how many gummies I have.

Mommy: Why?

Brody: Because I'm quitting gummies.

Mommy: You're quitting gummies?

Brody: Yes, I heard they are bad for you. So I'm quitting them.

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Brody: I like to smell him [Callan.]

Mommy: I know. Me, too. But today he kind of stinks because he's been spitting up a lot.

Brody: I like that smell. It smells like mac 'n cheese.

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(As I was putting feta cheese in our pasta for dinner...)

Leyton: That smells like a poopy butt!

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Brody: I wish this helicopter had a remote control. Then I would have to remote it. And if it wasn't turned on, it wouldn't be remoting.

September 2010

Brody: A scallion bird (?) is like a chameleon because it can change colors. It can be brown and white or white and brown. And if it falls in paint, you might think it's a different color.

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Mommy: Brody, do you want to wear your green jacket or your khaki jacket?

Brody: I want to wear the green one. Why did you buy me that khaki jacket anyway? I don't like it. It's so French!

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(I locked the front door so Leyton couldn't escape.)

Leyton: The door's not working!

Mommy: Oh no! Why not?

Leyton: It needs batteries.

August 2010

Brody: When we get to the hotel, can I have some booty?

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Brody: He [Callan] smells so good. He smells like roses and a hot dog.

July 2010

Brody: Can I hold the baby when he's finished eating your boobies?

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Brody: I love you, Leyton. Even when I'm mad from you, I still love you. You're my little brother!

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Brody: I don't like tornadoes. They take people up where the space men live.

June 2010

Brody: Mom, why didn't you name me Nathan?

Mommy: That just wasn't a name we had picked out for you.

Brody: Well, can I call Leyton Nathan instead?

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Brody: Bugs live in all different states. This one lives in Africa, this one lives in Chinaca, and that one lives at my cousin's house. I know a lot about bugs because I've liked them since I was a baby.

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Brody: Mommy, are you going to watch the movie with me so you can get your headache out of you?

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Brody: I love you really really bad!

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Mommy: Brody, why are all your clothes off?

Brody: It was Leyton's idea to make puddles, and I haven't walked through puddles in half a year!

May 2010

Brody: Moms are hard to handle sometimes.

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Mommy: Brody, you're putting your shoes on the wrong feet.

Brody: You always tell me that!

Mommy: Well, you put them on the wrong feet a lot, and I don't want you to look like a ...

Brody: a damn ogre!

Mommy: Umm, ok, yeah, I don't want you to look like an ogre!

April 2010

Brody: Look! My hot dog is naked! There's no more bread.

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Mommy: The baby is kicking in my belly. I think he wants to come out and play with his brothers.

Brody: How does he play in your belly when there are no toys in there?

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Brody: I read this book a couple whiles ago.

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Brody: What kind of face will Leyton have if he grows up?

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Brody: I'll eat the strawberries and kiwi. Here Leyton, you can eat the buffalo [cantaloupe.]

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Brody: Leyton, say nose.

Leyton: Nose!

Brody: Say snot.

Leyton: Snot!

Brody: Say poop.

Leyton: Snot!

Brody: Say poop.

Leyton: Snot!

Brody: I said say poop.

Leyton: Snot!

(Even Leyton knows he's not supposed to say the "p" word!)

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Brody: What's Mommy making for dinner? A grilled cheese? Awww man, that's for lunch!

March 2010

Mommy: We have to take Elijah to the vet today.

Brody: Why? So they can figure out why he poops in the same spot?

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Brody: I had fun at Oma's house because I like Aunt Jeff!

February 2010

Brody: If I had a pet owl, I would keep it in Elijah's crate and feed it dead animals. How do you catch a dead animal?

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Brody: Why are all the cyber tooth tigers extinct?

(Clearly we live in a different world as I don't think that word even existed when I was 3!)

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Mommy: Tell me about your picture, Brody.

Brody: It's a monster.

Mommy: But it says here that it's a snowman.

Brody: It's an Abominable Snowman, Mom!

January 2010

Brody: (pointing to a show on Nick Jr.) This show is not appropriate for kids. It's only for parents.

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Brody: Why is that man who has the muskrat [mustache] crying?

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Brody: Look, I'm wearing Daddy's game mitten! [golf glove]

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Brody: I think Daddy took your makeup so he could look nice for work.

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Brody: I poop alone!

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Brody: What killed all the meteors?

Daddy: Nothing killed the meteors. Meteors are rocks that fall from the sky.

Brody: No they're not!

Daddy: Yes, they are. Meteors are rocks that fall from outer space.

Brody: There are no such things as meat eaters in outer space!

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Daddy: Brody, can you tell me some names of dinosaurs?

Brody: TRex...Pterodactyl...Plate...

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Brody: I hear Leyton's not a bad egg.

December 2009

Mommy: I don't think I can cross here. They're not going to let me through.

Brody: Why not?

Mommy: There is a lot of traffic and I can't get across.

Brody: You can just go and crash into the cars.

Mommy: Well, I don't want to have a car accident.

Brody: Why not? There is no police around!

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Brody: What's navidad?

Mommy: It means Christmas in Spanish.

Brody: What's troll the angent what a carol?

Mommy: What?!

Brody: That's what Miss Kristin (his music teacher) says.

Mommy: Can you sing the song for me?

Brody: (singing) Troll the angent what a carol...

Mommy: Oh! Troll the ancient yuletide carol!

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Brody: That horse just laid a baby!

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Mommy: Brody, if you aren't going to listen, then we won't be able to decorate the Christmas tree today.

Brody: We are going to decorate the Christmas tree, you naughty beast!

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Mommy: Look at that police officer. He has a leash. Maybe he's looking for a rabid dog.

Brody: I don't know such things as rabbit dogs. Are there any rabbit birds around here?

November 2009

Brody: What's that? (pointing at an airplane in the sky leaving a line behind it.)

Mommy: That's an airplane. Sometimes they leave a trail behind them, but I'm not sure why.

Brody: I think it's measuring the sky.

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Brody: I'm really impressed that Leyton can say "hot."

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Daddy: I thought you said you were going to share your pancakes with Leyton.

Brody: That was a mistake!

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Brody: Are we going to move into another house and not this old house?

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Brody: She [Laura] is my favorite babysitter, and I don't often like babysitters.

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Brody: That's a pink car! That's not for a man to drive it! That's for a girl to drive it!

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Brody: Do I let doctors do my surgery?

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Brody: Can I hold one of those spiders?

Mommy: No, those spiders are decorations and they stay on the bush.

Brody: But I want one of those spiders. I've been crying about it for half an hour!

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Brody: Mommy, can I have a snack?

Mommy: What are you hungry for?

Brody: For something that you give me, of course!

October 2009

Brody: Where are the snails right now, Mom?

Mommy: The snails are hibernating for the winter because it's too cold for them.

Brody: Are the snails making babies and that's why they're not out?

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Brody: I think the dinosaurs lost their moms and that's why they're 'stinct!

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Brody: Can we go to the restronaut where there's hamburgers?

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Mommy: You have such bedhead! What are we going to do with you?

Brody: Throw me in a dumpster! Then Daddy will cry and never let me choose my own clothes.

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Brody: How is Leyton gonna knock on doors for candy?

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Brody: Mommy, are your teeth baby teeth?

Mommy: No, mine are adult teeth. I lost all my baby teeth when I was a kid.

Brody: When the tooth fairy comes, does he bring a new tooth?

Mommy: No, the tooth fairy takes your old tooth and leaves money under your pillow.

Brody: So you can buy a new tooth!

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I was having a conversation with my neighbor, Wendy. I don't even remember what we were talking about. Brody was standing nearby and suddenly shouted out, "Excellent point!"

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Brody: I really want a cat. I don't want a dog. I'm bored from dogs.

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Brody: I'm going to be Batman for Halloween. And Leyton's going to be Robin, and Mommy's going to be Catwoman, and Daddy's going to be BatDaddy!

September 2009

Mommy: Look at that hummingbird. It sticks it's long beak in the flower and drinks the nectar.

Brody: I wish I could be a hummingbird so I could drink Hector, too.

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Brody: Mommy, that bagel has nuts. I don't want Leyton to have it.

Mommy: Those aren't nuts. They're seeds. Leyton can have seeds.

Brody: No he can't! He'll grow a seed tree!

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Brody: Oh my heavens! What are those?

August 2009

Daddy: Why are you wearing those goggles?

Brody: So I can save frogs that are lost in the deepness.

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(I showed Brody a picture of Daddy's old bulldog, Spike.)

Brody: Is that Elijah?

Mommy: No, that's Spike. He was Daddy's dog when he was a little boy.

Brody: Spike's a good name!

Mommy: Spike lives with Jesus now.

Brody: Can we tell Jesus we want him back so he can come to our house and live with 'Lijah?

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Brody: (after covering his finger with a candy wrapper) Look Daddy! It's a finger jet!

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Brody: I'm doing serious work. I'm going to put the worms in this bucket and then bring them over here and then take them over there, and then they'll head south.

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Brody: (singing in the car) Leyton is a rotten banana! Leyton is a lazy bumblebeeeeee!

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Brody: I want to be a pwessional golfer and go up in a spaceship and be a spacer.

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Mommy: Hold your horses!

Brody: I'm not holding any horses because I don't have any horses.

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Brody: Leyton has a Target Brand spider.

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Brody: This is my beetle. His name is Dairy Queen.

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Brody: Wook 'em Longhorns!

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Brody: Leyton can't climb trees because we don't have a ladder.

July 2009

(Brody gets a gummy every time he goes potty.)

Brody: I want a sore [sour] one! I want a sore [sour] one!

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Brody: I need to make a tent so I can live happily ever after.

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Brody: (pointing at a page in the book Goodnight Hawaiian Moon) Look Mommy! High biscuits! [hibiscus]

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Brody: (trying so hard to think of the right word) Yesterday, yesternight, yestersmorning Daddy didn't want me to dig in the gummies.

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Brody: (handing me the book Little Red Riding Hood) Read this book, Mommy. It's Little White Wagon Hill.

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Brody: (looking at Leyton) This is not the right baby for us. I want a sister baby.

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(A lake creature statue just moved to Lake Harriet. We drove by one night to take a look.)

Brody: I hope that darn thing likes to swim!

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Brody: Chipolly (Chipotle) is that way, Mommy, where they have rice and beans and cheese on the moon.

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Brody: I wear a shirt to protect my belly button so Leyton can't bite it.

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(These are the words to a song Brody made up one morning and sang to me.)

"One mom-meee, one dad-deee, one Bro-deee, one bay-beee, then that's it!"

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Brody: (to Daddy) I'm going to wear a pink shirt when I'm a gril.

June 2009

(Brody has developed a little fear of the dark. He wants his lamp on at night when he goes to bed.)

Brody: I don't want my room to be dark. I just like it to be shadowy.

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Brody: Why do we have Baby Leyton?

Mommy: Because that's what God gave us.

Brody: How does God give us babies?

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Brody: Today looks like a sweaty day.

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May 2009

Brody: Why is his name Leyton?

Mommy: Because Mommy and Daddy liked that name.

Brody: I want his name to be Suzie.

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Brody: (with a towel draped over his head and shoulders after his bath) "I look like Mary Jesus!"

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Brody: (while watching the Takins at the MN Zoo) "I see a taco over there!"

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Brody: (while "combing" Leyton's hair) "Your hair's gonna get hideous!"

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Brody: (after seeing two shirtless joggers while we were out walking) "Mommy, why are some people naked outside?"

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Brody: "Mommy, I want you to have my sister in your belly."

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Brody: "A bee-hatch! A bee-hatch! I don't like that bee-hatch!"

Mommy: "Brody, what are you talking about?" (as I literally have tears running down my cheeks from laughing so hard)

Brody: hands me an empty wasp's nest he found on the ground.

Mommy: "Oh! A bee hive!"

April 2009

Brody: (while combing his hair) "Mommy, do you like my hair? It's gonna be gril [girl] hair. I'm a gril on that awful day. But I'm still a boy!"

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Brody: "Diggers!"

Mommy: "Wow, look at all those diggers."

Brody: "They're just diggering!"

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Brody: "I'm looking for worms. The worms are all cold. They're probably wearing sweaters..."

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March 2009

Brody: "Mommy can come to my birthday party and Daddy can come to my birthday party and Yayton can stay in his carseat..."