Gray Hairs

I thought for sure it would be Brody who would lead me to go gray. You see, Brody is 100% all boy, rough and tumble, physical, sometimes aggressive, and downright loud. He can be obnoxious, rambunctious, and every other adjective you can think of to describe a busy four year-old boy. But he's not stealthy, he doesn't run away, he's terrified if he doesn't know where I am, and he's certainly not quiet. Enter Leyton Hill Smith. All those things I just mentioned? He's all of them to a T. And in the past couple of months, he's scared me so many times that I'm surprised I haven't aged about twenty years! So now I'm thinking that I had it all wrong. It's not going to be Brody who gives me a head full of gray hair...it's going to be his little brother!

(after he snuck into the bathroom and got ahold of my mascara)

We have had to call 911 twice in the past two months when Leyton suddenly "disappeared." The first time was back in May when I went to pick up Brody from school. As I was walking inside the building, I looked down at my hand and realized my finger was mysteriously gushing blood everywhere. I stopped to look at it, and when I looked back up, Leyton was gone. I wasn't the least bit worried. I thought he had just run ahead to Brody's classroom. But when I peeked my head in, he wasn't there. To make a long story short, that disappearance led to a thirty minute (yes, THIRTY minutes--an eternity when you can't find your little one!!) search all over the building, the parking lot, and everywhere else we could think of trying to find my lost boy, enlisting every staff member in the building as well as a few remaining moms to help us. After 20 minutes of searching and calling his name, one of the moms suggested that we call the police, and I completely lost it. I had to be led away and calmed down. All I could think was, "How could I have just lost my child?" and "I have to call Brad!" and "How am I going to tell him that Leyton is lost?" Every possible awful thought ran through my mind, and I felt completely helpless. It was truly the most horrific experience I have had yet as a mom. When I finally heard someone yelling my name and saying that he was found, I ran to that little guy so fast and scooped him up I thought I might break him from hugging him so hard. There was not a dry eye in the room, and I was so thankful to have him safe and sound once again. It was crazy to experience going from a perfectly normal day to one of the most awful experiences you've ever had.

Fast forward to June 16...Brody's last soccer game of the spring session. I was standing on the sidelines holding Callan and watching the game. Leyton was eating a snack and standing next to me. At one point, he handed me his snack bag, and then the next second, he was gone. I immediately started scanning the crowd to see if I could spot him. No luck. I began searching the perimeter of the soccer fields to see if I might see him running off somewhere. Nope. At that point, I decided I needed to start telling people that I couldn't find him, but I was actually a little embarrassed to even say it. All I could think was, "Rachel, you did NOT just lose him again!!" It was even worse because two of the moms who had helped me in the first search were at the game, too. I knew the emotional stress they had experienced the first time, and I didn't want to bring that on again. But, it had to be done. I couldn't find Leyton, and I needed help. Yet again, this led to a thirty minute search, calling the police, suspending the soccer games, a frantic call to Brad, unmarked police cars scouting the adjacent neighborhood, and terrified parents looking here and there and literally everywhere for my missing little boy. I didn't panic as much this time around, but even so, as the minutes keep ticking on and you know that he could essentially be farther and farther away, there is no stopping the fear and anxiety from washing in. Eventually, thank God, he was found walking around in the parking lot. And once again, more tears, hugs, and the feeling of total relief.

I wish I could say that was all...but it's not. On Sunday, he escaped from Brad in a store and we had to basically close it down until he was found. It was a real "Code Adam," with all the workers on their walkie talkies looking all over for the little blond boy with a white shirt and khaki pants. Where did they find him? Hiding under a men's clothing rack. Twice I have gone into his room at naptime to find him out of his crib and nowhere to be seen. Once, I discovered him asleep in his closet with the door completely shut (he doesn't know how to open doors...yet!) and the other time he was asleep under Brody's bed, fully wrapped in the comforter.

So what do you do with a little boy who likes to play hide and seek without telling you about it? How can I convey the seriousness of this? How/Should I punish him? We talk about it all the time, and I now make sure to carry him at all times, or if that is not feasible, I've gone back to making him sit in the stroller. I also recently purchased a tracking device thinking that the $20 it cost was well worth it for a little peace of mind. I haven't needed to use it yet, but I'm sure the time will come any day now.

I love this little boy so much, and I can't even comprehend what I would do if something were to happen to him. Hopefully, this is just a phase that will pass as quickly as it started. But for now, I am on high alert...and getting more gray hairs by the day!