The Smith Files: Crazy Kids

Monday, December 07, 2009

Crazy Kids

Our two little guys can be so silly sometimes...

Leyton currently has an attraction to this tiny Grey Goose Vodka bottle. He likes to carry it around the house and pretend to pour it in his cup. Despite the fact that he's carrying around a glass bottle full of alcohol, I find it to be quite hysterical. I just have to keep a crazy eye on him, and sneak it back into the cabinet when he's not looking!

The bigger man loves to dress up, and when I say dress up, I mean put on every item in his dress up tub that he can fit on his little body. This is Prince Batman the Handy-Man Pirate, or something like that!

4 comments:

Geri said...: OMG, i can't take it! Always something funny! Love the vodka bottle and of course my favorite spot, the commentary!!! Wish we could have chatted more at Breakfast with Santa!; 9:25 AM
The Reiersons said...: Too funny!!!; 3:46 PM
Lisa said...: Hey Rachel! Will you send me your address please? I still have your Colorado one!; 11:31 PM
Becky said...: Ok, that Pirate costume is too much! So cute!!! I would say Leyton is like 007, he like's his Martini's shaken not stirred! ;-) Merry Christmas and safe travels. we will watch for you guys on I-35South!! ;-); 5:57 PM

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Toddler Talk

June 2013

Callan: I like skunks. They stink. How do you wipe a skunk?

April 2013

(Leyton was watching the Angel Soft toilet paper commercial with the most amazed look on his face.)

Leyton: Those fat babies with wings make toilet paper? There must be two kinds of fat babies with wings--one kind brings you toilet paper and the other kind brings you Valentines!

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Leyton: Mom, I don't want to go to swimming lessons today.

Mommy: Why not? You love swimming lessons. Last week you were smiling the whole time.

Leyton: I wasn't smiling because I was having fun in the lesson. I was smiling at you because you are so beautiful!

(aaaand he stole my heart!)

May 2012

(Brody and I were having a "deep" discussion about marriage...)

Mommy: When you marry someone, you promise to stay with that person forever.

Brody: But then you can offmarry that person.

Mommy: What do you mean by that?

Brody: You retire from that person so you can marry someone else.

February 2012

(Leyton was playing "store" with Callan.)

Leyton: Callan, look at this hockey stick! You can buy it online. Mom, what's online?

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Brody: Mom, I don't want to drive Daddy to work. Why do we have to be in a hurry?

Mom: I know you would rather stay home, but we really need you to just go with the flow right now.

Brody: I don't like this flow!

January 2012

Leyton: Mommy, can I taste your drink?

Mommy: Ok, but you might not like it. It's Dr. Pepper.

Leyton: Does this drink have onions in it cause it's spicy!

November 2011

Brody: I can't wait to be in kindergarten, Mom, cause I'll get my own phone!

Mommy: Who told you that?

Brody: You did! You said when I'm a big kid I could get my own phone!

October 2011

Leyton: When I grow up, I want to be a diver and a mommy and a dinosaur and a golf ball and a teacher.

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Brody: Mom, when we're grown-ups, can we change our names?

Mommy: Sure, if you want to.

Brody: Ok, I'm going to change my name to Chris.

Leyton: I'm going to change my name to Shit. (I really don't think that's what he was trying to say, but it sure did sound like it! :)

September 2011

Mommy: You guys keep cleaning up this mess while I go upstairs for a minute. When you're finished, call me and I'll get out the play-doh for you.

Leyton: Call you? How can we call you without a phone?

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Brody: Leyton, when you feel a poot coming on, just poot it!

August 2011

Leyton: Sometimes I burp...in Spanish.

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Mommy: Look! There's a Daddy Longlegs in my bag!

Leyton: Can I keep it? I like Daddy Longhorns!

July 2011

Leyton: When I flex my muscles, I can't breeve!

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Mommy: What is that gross slime on this toy?

Leyton: It's probably dirt, or poop, or dead duck.

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Brody: Camouflage is the most important thing when hunting. Animals are scared of everything except their own kind.

(More factual than funny...I just love the way he said it so matter-of-fact!)

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Brody: I think when Leyton grows up his wife his going to have to let him borrow her skirts since he likes your skirts so much!

June 2011

Leyton: Mommy, look at all those mushrooms in the grass!

Mommy: There ARE a lot of mushrooms!

Leyton: It's a mushroom Easter!

April 2011

Leyton: Do I get to go to my lipstick class today?

Mommy: Your lipstick class? What is that?

Leyton: You know, my lip stick class.

Mommy: (to Brody) I have no idea what he's talking about.

Brody: You know, Mom, it's the class you go to when you miss your gymnastics class.

Mommy: Oh! He means his make up class!

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Brody: Mom said I could have Peeps for Easter if my ancestors give them to me.

Daddy: Your ancestors?

Mommy: Do you mean Oma?

Brody: Yes, you said I could have Peeps if Oma or my other ancestors give them to me.

February 2011

Brody: Mom, I got you some sour patch kids and a box of chocolates for Valentine's Day.

Mommy: Oh, that's so nice! But isn't it supposed to be a surprise?

Brody: Just pretend like you don't know.

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Brody: Leyton, I love you to the stars, the earth, Mercury, and Minnetonka!

January 2011

Brody: Mom, why have you never let me be in an act at church where I can dress up like a sheep or a God or someone?

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Leyton: I fweekin fotted! (freakin' farted)

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Mommy: Brody, don't crush the baby!

Brody: I'm trying to squeeze all the air out of him.

December 2010

(Looking at a picture of Brody's Christening...)

Leyton: Who's that?

Mommy: Baby Brody.

Leyton: Where's Leyton?

Mommy: Leyton wasn't born yet.

Leyton: I was lost?

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(We were discussing the birth of Baby Jesus...)

Brody: Why were animals there? They would just slobber Jesus!

November 2010

(Leyton was looking at a photo album...)

Leyton: There's Mommy. There's Daddy. There's Brody and Lijee.

Mommy: Is Leyton in the picture?

Leyton: No.

Mommy: Leyton wasn't born yet.

Leyton: He's in Texas.

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(This one is for all of you who know our neighbor Wendy, known by the kids as "Way Way.")

Leyton: My bunny has poop.

Mommy: He does? We'll have to change him. That's ok. Everybody poops. Dogs poop. Kitties poop. Bunnies poop.

Leyton: Way Way poops?

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(Brody found a nest on the ground...)

Brody: This nest fell out of the tree!

Mommy: Cool! It is either a bird's nest or a squirrel's nest. I'm not sure which.

Brody: It has fur in it, so I think it's a squirrel's nest. Unless there is a fur bird.

October 2010

Brody: How can God see us?

Mommy: God can see everything because he created us and he watches over us.

Brody: But how? Does he use a telescope?

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Brody: I think when I grow up I'm just gonna be myself. Can people be their self when they grow up?

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Mommy: Are you happy with your treats?

Brody: Yes, but I'm sad about how many gummies I have.

Mommy: Why?

Brody: Because I'm quitting gummies.

Mommy: You're quitting gummies?

Brody: Yes, I heard they are bad for you. So I'm quitting them.

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Brody: I like to smell him [Callan.]

Mommy: I know. Me, too. But today he kind of stinks because he's been spitting up a lot.

Brody: I like that smell. It smells like mac 'n cheese.

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(As I was putting feta cheese in our pasta for dinner...)

Leyton: That smells like a poopy butt!

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Brody: I wish this helicopter had a remote control. Then I would have to remote it. And if it wasn't turned on, it wouldn't be remoting.

September 2010

Brody: A scallion bird (?) is like a chameleon because it can change colors. It can be brown and white or white and brown. And if it falls in paint, you might think it's a different color.

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Mommy: Brody, do you want to wear your green jacket or your khaki jacket?

Brody: I want to wear the green one. Why did you buy me that khaki jacket anyway? I don't like it. It's so French!

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(I locked the front door so Leyton couldn't escape.)

Leyton: The door's not working!

Mommy: Oh no! Why not?

Leyton: It needs batteries.

August 2010

Brody: When we get to the hotel, can I have some booty?

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Brody: He [Callan] smells so good. He smells like roses and a hot dog.

July 2010

Brody: Can I hold the baby when he's finished eating your boobies?

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Brody: I love you, Leyton. Even when I'm mad from you, I still love you. You're my little brother!

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Brody: I don't like tornadoes. They take people up where the space men live.

June 2010

Brody: Mom, why didn't you name me Nathan?

Mommy: That just wasn't a name we had picked out for you.

Brody: Well, can I call Leyton Nathan instead?

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Brody: Bugs live in all different states. This one lives in Africa, this one lives in Chinaca, and that one lives at my cousin's house. I know a lot about bugs because I've liked them since I was a baby.

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Brody: Mommy, are you going to watch the movie with me so you can get your headache out of you?

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Brody: I love you really really bad!

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Mommy: Brody, why are all your clothes off?

Brody: It was Leyton's idea to make puddles, and I haven't walked through puddles in half a year!

May 2010

Brody: Moms are hard to handle sometimes.

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Mommy: Brody, you're putting your shoes on the wrong feet.

Brody: You always tell me that!

Mommy: Well, you put them on the wrong feet a lot, and I don't want you to look like a ...

Brody: a damn ogre!

Mommy: Umm, ok, yeah, I don't want you to look like an ogre!

April 2010

Brody: Look! My hot dog is naked! There's no more bread.

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Mommy: The baby is kicking in my belly. I think he wants to come out and play with his brothers.

Brody: How does he play in your belly when there are no toys in there?

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Brody: I read this book a couple whiles ago.

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Brody: What kind of face will Leyton have if he grows up?

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Brody: I'll eat the strawberries and kiwi. Here Leyton, you can eat the buffalo [cantaloupe.]

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Brody: Leyton, say nose.

Leyton: Nose!

Brody: Say snot.

Leyton: Snot!

Brody: Say poop.

Leyton: Snot!

Brody: Say poop.

Leyton: Snot!

Brody: I said say poop.

Leyton: Snot!

(Even Leyton knows he's not supposed to say the "p" word!)

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Brody: What's Mommy making for dinner? A grilled cheese? Awww man, that's for lunch!

March 2010

Mommy: We have to take Elijah to the vet today.

Brody: Why? So they can figure out why he poops in the same spot?

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Brody: I had fun at Oma's house because I like Aunt Jeff!

February 2010

Brody: If I had a pet owl, I would keep it in Elijah's crate and feed it dead animals. How do you catch a dead animal?

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Brody: Why are all the cyber tooth tigers extinct?

(Clearly we live in a different world as I don't think that word even existed when I was 3!)

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Mommy: Tell me about your picture, Brody.

Brody: It's a monster.

Mommy: But it says here that it's a snowman.

Brody: It's an Abominable Snowman, Mom!

January 2010

Brody: (pointing to a show on Nick Jr.) This show is not appropriate for kids. It's only for parents.

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Brody: Why is that man who has the muskrat [mustache] crying?

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Brody: Look, I'm wearing Daddy's game mitten! [golf glove]

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Brody: I think Daddy took your makeup so he could look nice for work.

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Brody: I poop alone!

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Brody: What killed all the meteors?

Daddy: Nothing killed the meteors. Meteors are rocks that fall from the sky.

Brody: No they're not!

Daddy: Yes, they are. Meteors are rocks that fall from outer space.

Brody: There are no such things as meat eaters in outer space!

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Daddy: Brody, can you tell me some names of dinosaurs?

Brody: TRex...Pterodactyl...Plate...

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Brody: I hear Leyton's not a bad egg.

December 2009

Mommy: I don't think I can cross here. They're not going to let me through.

Brody: Why not?

Mommy: There is a lot of traffic and I can't get across.

Brody: You can just go and crash into the cars.

Mommy: Well, I don't want to have a car accident.

Brody: Why not? There is no police around!

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Brody: What's navidad?

Mommy: It means Christmas in Spanish.

Brody: What's troll the angent what a carol?

Mommy: What?!

Brody: That's what Miss Kristin (his music teacher) says.

Mommy: Can you sing the song for me?

Brody: (singing) Troll the angent what a carol...

Mommy: Oh! Troll the ancient yuletide carol!

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Brody: That horse just laid a baby!

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Mommy: Brody, if you aren't going to listen, then we won't be able to decorate the Christmas tree today.

Brody: We are going to decorate the Christmas tree, you naughty beast!

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Mommy: Look at that police officer. He has a leash. Maybe he's looking for a rabid dog.

Brody: I don't know such things as rabbit dogs. Are there any rabbit birds around here?

November 2009

Brody: What's that? (pointing at an airplane in the sky leaving a line behind it.)

Mommy: That's an airplane. Sometimes they leave a trail behind them, but I'm not sure why.

Brody: I think it's measuring the sky.

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Brody: I'm really impressed that Leyton can say "hot."

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Daddy: I thought you said you were going to share your pancakes with Leyton.

Brody: That was a mistake!

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Brody: Are we going to move into another house and not this old house?

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Brody: She [Laura] is my favorite babysitter, and I don't often like babysitters.

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Brody: That's a pink car! That's not for a man to drive it! That's for a girl to drive it!

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Brody: Do I let doctors do my surgery?

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Brody: Can I hold one of those spiders?

Mommy: No, those spiders are decorations and they stay on the bush.

Brody: But I want one of those spiders. I've been crying about it for half an hour!

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Brody: Mommy, can I have a snack?

Mommy: What are you hungry for?

Brody: For something that you give me, of course!

October 2009

Brody: Where are the snails right now, Mom?

Mommy: The snails are hibernating for the winter because it's too cold for them.

Brody: Are the snails making babies and that's why they're not out?

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Brody: I think the dinosaurs lost their moms and that's why they're 'stinct!

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Brody: Can we go to the restronaut where there's hamburgers?

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Mommy: You have such bedhead! What are we going to do with you?

Brody: Throw me in a dumpster! Then Daddy will cry and never let me choose my own clothes.

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Brody: How is Leyton gonna knock on doors for candy?

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Brody: Mommy, are your teeth baby teeth?

Mommy: No, mine are adult teeth. I lost all my baby teeth when I was a kid.

Brody: When the tooth fairy comes, does he bring a new tooth?

Mommy: No, the tooth fairy takes your old tooth and leaves money under your pillow.

Brody: So you can buy a new tooth!

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I was having a conversation with my neighbor, Wendy. I don't even remember what we were talking about. Brody was standing nearby and suddenly shouted out, "Excellent point!"

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Brody: I really want a cat. I don't want a dog. I'm bored from dogs.

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Brody: I'm going to be Batman for Halloween. And Leyton's going to be Robin, and Mommy's going to be Catwoman, and Daddy's going to be BatDaddy!

September 2009

Mommy: Look at that hummingbird. It sticks it's long beak in the flower and drinks the nectar.

Brody: I wish I could be a hummingbird so I could drink Hector, too.

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Brody: Mommy, that bagel has nuts. I don't want Leyton to have it.

Mommy: Those aren't nuts. They're seeds. Leyton can have seeds.

Brody: No he can't! He'll grow a seed tree!

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Brody: Oh my heavens! What are those?

August 2009

Daddy: Why are you wearing those goggles?

Brody: So I can save frogs that are lost in the deepness.

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(I showed Brody a picture of Daddy's old bulldog, Spike.)

Brody: Is that Elijah?

Mommy: No, that's Spike. He was Daddy's dog when he was a little boy.

Brody: Spike's a good name!

Mommy: Spike lives with Jesus now.

Brody: Can we tell Jesus we want him back so he can come to our house and live with 'Lijah?

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Brody: (after covering his finger with a candy wrapper) Look Daddy! It's a finger jet!

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Brody: I'm doing serious work. I'm going to put the worms in this bucket and then bring them over here and then take them over there, and then they'll head south.

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Brody: (singing in the car) Leyton is a rotten banana! Leyton is a lazy bumblebeeeeee!

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Brody: I want to be a pwessional golfer and go up in a spaceship and be a spacer.

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Mommy: Hold your horses!

Brody: I'm not holding any horses because I don't have any horses.

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Brody: Leyton has a Target Brand spider.

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Brody: This is my beetle. His name is Dairy Queen.

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Brody: Wook 'em Longhorns!

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Brody: Leyton can't climb trees because we don't have a ladder.

July 2009

(Brody gets a gummy every time he goes potty.)

Brody: I want a sore [sour] one! I want a sore [sour] one!

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Brody: I need to make a tent so I can live happily ever after.

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Brody: (pointing at a page in the book Goodnight Hawaiian Moon) Look Mommy! High biscuits! [hibiscus]

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Brody: (trying so hard to think of the right word) Yesterday, yesternight, yestersmorning Daddy didn't want me to dig in the gummies.

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Brody: (handing me the book Little Red Riding Hood) Read this book, Mommy. It's Little White Wagon Hill.

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Brody: (looking at Leyton) This is not the right baby for us. I want a sister baby.

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(A lake creature statue just moved to Lake Harriet. We drove by one night to take a look.)

Brody: I hope that darn thing likes to swim!

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Brody: Chipolly (Chipotle) is that way, Mommy, where they have rice and beans and cheese on the moon.

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Brody: I wear a shirt to protect my belly button so Leyton can't bite it.

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(These are the words to a song Brody made up one morning and sang to me.)

"One mom-meee, one dad-deee, one Bro-deee, one bay-beee, then that's it!"

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Brody: (to Daddy) I'm going to wear a pink shirt when I'm a gril.

June 2009

(Brody has developed a little fear of the dark. He wants his lamp on at night when he goes to bed.)

Brody: I don't want my room to be dark. I just like it to be shadowy.

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Brody: Why do we have Baby Leyton?

Mommy: Because that's what God gave us.

Brody: How does God give us babies?

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Brody: Today looks like a sweaty day.

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May 2009

Brody: Why is his name Leyton?

Mommy: Because Mommy and Daddy liked that name.

Brody: I want his name to be Suzie.

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Brody: (with a towel draped over his head and shoulders after his bath) "I look like Mary Jesus!"

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Brody: (while watching the Takins at the MN Zoo) "I see a taco over there!"

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Brody: (while "combing" Leyton's hair) "Your hair's gonna get hideous!"

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Brody: (after seeing two shirtless joggers while we were out walking) "Mommy, why are some people naked outside?"

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Brody: "Mommy, I want you to have my sister in your belly."

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Brody: "A bee-hatch! A bee-hatch! I don't like that bee-hatch!"

Mommy: "Brody, what are you talking about?" (as I literally have tears running down my cheeks from laughing so hard)

Brody: hands me an empty wasp's nest he found on the ground.

Mommy: "Oh! A bee hive!"

April 2009

Brody: (while combing his hair) "Mommy, do you like my hair? It's gonna be gril [girl] hair. I'm a gril on that awful day. But I'm still a boy!"

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Brody: "Diggers!"

Mommy: "Wow, look at all those diggers."

Brody: "They're just diggering!"

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Brody: "I'm looking for worms. The worms are all cold. They're probably wearing sweaters..."

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March 2009

Brody: "Mommy can come to my birthday party and Daddy can come to my birthday party and Yayton can stay in his carseat..."